June 21, 2012
The house is quiet.
Sam is sleeping on my bed because if I put her in her crib she screams bloody murder. Seriously, you can hear her outside. I have figured out that if she falls asleep snuggled up to me that I can tiptoe away. If I try to lay her in her bed, it is full on hysterical, fit pitching.
Bryce is watching "Wild Kratts" on GPB Kids, and I can't wait to see what the animal of the day is today. On Tuesday, he would only let me refer to him as a kangaroo or a Brycearoo for an hour afterwards. Keeping up with his animal whims is exhausting but hilarious. He keeps sneaking out of the house to check to observe the dinosaurs in our yard. On Monday, there was a T-Rex. On Tuesday and Wednesday, it was a stegosaurus. Today there is apparently a brachiosaurus. I can barely keep up, but I do a pretty good job of seeing dinosaurs now too.
Now, back to my original sentence....I love that quiet. There is some background noise but it's peaceful. The TV is low, and Bryce is using his teeny tiny imaginary animal voice which is the same voice he uses to soothe Sam. I am here with my babies, and I'm happy.
For a long time, I didn't think I would be happy being a mama, but it is the best of all of my jobs. Tony and I had two amazing surprises dropped in our laps, and God knew what he was doing. I was meant to be their mama. I get busy worrying about all that I must do, should do, and don't do. I forget to breathe. Enjoy. Be. That's what I am going to do right now.....I'm going to concentrate on those little moments and just be happy.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
April 26, 2012
When I began this blog, I was intent on carving out some
time for me, time to reflect and wonder and worry and share. There are so many things I want to write, and
since I was a little girl I have found solace in pouring my thoughts out on
paper. Unfortunately, my time to write
seems to slip through my fingers each day.
I could list all of the excuses (how it is hard to work and take care of
kids and find me time, blah, blah, blah), but it would be a lie. To be honest, I am just plain tired at the
end of the day. I could get out the
computer and write, but by the time I have gotten the kids to bed I just want
to sit down, tune out, and watch a little TV.
Lazy, but necessary.
I envy those mothers who seem to keep it together and do
everything just right. I am not one of
those mothers, and I am working hard to be okay with that.
I have intentions of
homecooked, organic meals that entice Bryce to eat vegetables, but he mostly
eats Eggo blueberry waffles and “round” BabyBel cheese. He hates water and drinks huge amounts of orange
juice in the carton with the straw, and I can no longer dilute it with water because
he catches me and cries.
Even though I considered and seriously looked at using cloth
diapers, I came to the conclusion that I don’t do enough laundry to justify
it. I can barely keep up with the
laundry for myself and the children, and if Tony didn’t do his own and most of
the towels, I think we would be trapped under mountains of dirty clothes. It also helps that Mama takes pity on me and
comes over to do laundry too.
Sometimes Bryce watches too much T.V. I did get concerned about this when he asked
to watch “Swamp People,” but he did say he just wanted to see the alligators.
On days like today, I want to sit on the deck and drink beer
and read like I used to do before there were children.
I’m getting tired now, so I don’t think I will list anymore
of my shortcomings as a Mama and a wife, and I won’t even get started on
teaching. When I look back at this
pathetic little list, we are okay. I’m
not a perfect Mama, but I am the perfect Mama for my children.
I found the “Grumpy Troll” song for Bryce on YouTube
tonight, and we danced with Sam.
I made some pureed
peas for Samantha , and I hate peas. I
even tasted some of the little green balls of nasty to make sure they were
tender enough before I put them in the Baby Bullet. I did burn the first batch of peas because I
didn’t put enough water in the pot, and then I poured too much water in the
squash which resulted in squash juice.
But Samantha acted like the peas were the best thing ever, so it was
worth a few mishaps along the way.
We are all healthy and happy, and in the eyes of my kids, I
am their perfect Mama. Maybe this
weekend, I will have a beer and reflect on my blessings instead of listing my
shortcomings, and if I’m lucky I’ll get the house cleaned and grade writing and
make state file folder games and plant herbs and , if I’m really honest, I’ll
just get some sleep!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April 1, 2012
Happy Poetry Month! My goal for this month is to post a poem each day. They may be new or old poems I have written or even some of my favorites by other poets. To begin the month, I am going to post a poem I wrote in the fourth grade. My teacher, Mrs. Robertson, made me memorize the poem, and I have never forgotten it. I have several exciting activities planned for my students, and I am looking forward to helping them appreciate poetry in the coming weeks!
The Refrigerator
My refrigerator smells like molded apple pie.
Each time I open the door,
I want to cry.
The cheese has got mold.
The hot dogs are getting old.
My milk has turned from sweet to sour.
Everything gets older by the hour.
Look in our fridge,
your sure to find,
A BEWARE SIGN!
Monday, March 26, 2012
Day 13: March 26, 2012
I took a few weeks off from my blog project. It seems that the sore throat I fought through my entire first week back at work developed into a sinus infection. Just as I began to improve, my sweet baby girl came down with the flu. By the time we had all recovered, I was simply overwhelmed with school work, house work, and being a working mommy. It is quite ambitious to begin a blog when you are at home taking care of two children, but it is nearly impossible when you are trying to teach thirty students every day. I am finally beginning to dig myself out of the hole of papers and lesson plans and laundry, and I can only hope to stay that way for a few days. My mantra has become, "I am doing the best I can for everyone each and every day." I look often at women who have several children and still manage to juggle work and a job and make it seem effortlessly. As for me, I need a haircut, a pedicure, and I have a huge zit on my chin right now. But right now, my babies are fed and sleeping. I actually have tomorrow night's dinner in the CrockPot, and my house is relatively neat. Right now, my eyes are drooping. It feels good to have a moment to write and reflect. For all the stress that I have been under, we are surviving and thriving. That is all I can ask for today.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Day 12: March 10, 2011
It's quiet in the house this morning. I played the good wife and made Tony breakfast in bed. Bryce is watching cartoons, and Samantha is passed out on the floor with her hands over her head. I am indulging in one of my favorite pastimes, watching the Food Network. It is a sick, sad addiction, and I am simply unable to break myself from it. Although, if I am honest, I have never tried. It is the ultimate escape for me. In many ways, it takes me back to the Saturdays of my childhood.
When I was little, the only place to see cooking shows was on PBS, and I think Daddy and I watched them on most Saturday afternoons. It probably started when I was nine or ten around the time Daddy started cooking. Mama was working later nights and traveling some, and , out of necessity, he had begun cooking for us on those nights. Daddy had always grilled or fried fish, but I don't remember him cooking much inside until around this time. Maybe he started watching them out of necessity, but whatever the reason I started watching with him. Nathalie DuPree, the Frugal Gourmet, and Justin Wilson all became a part of our Saturday ritual. Mama would usually fall asleep, but Daddy and I would watch intently and discuss the techniques and ingredients in detail. In those days before the Internet, one had to write down each recipe as it was cooked. Occasionally, a recipe would catch our eye, and we would do this. I remember Daddy wanting a wok or a pan based on some technique we learned from one of these television chefs. There was something artistic in the way these chefs would take beautiful ingredients and blend them to create an even more beautiful dish, and it is what I still love about Food Network now.
Right now, I am going to post this because I am getting a cold and the battery is about to die. This mama giraffe is taking a break until tomorrow. I have a scintillating Paula Deen story to share.
When I was little, the only place to see cooking shows was on PBS, and I think Daddy and I watched them on most Saturday afternoons. It probably started when I was nine or ten around the time Daddy started cooking. Mama was working later nights and traveling some, and , out of necessity, he had begun cooking for us on those nights. Daddy had always grilled or fried fish, but I don't remember him cooking much inside until around this time. Maybe he started watching them out of necessity, but whatever the reason I started watching with him. Nathalie DuPree, the Frugal Gourmet, and Justin Wilson all became a part of our Saturday ritual. Mama would usually fall asleep, but Daddy and I would watch intently and discuss the techniques and ingredients in detail. In those days before the Internet, one had to write down each recipe as it was cooked. Occasionally, a recipe would catch our eye, and we would do this. I remember Daddy wanting a wok or a pan based on some technique we learned from one of these television chefs. There was something artistic in the way these chefs would take beautiful ingredients and blend them to create an even more beautiful dish, and it is what I still love about Food Network now.
Right now, I am going to post this because I am getting a cold and the battery is about to die. This mama giraffe is taking a break until tomorrow. I have a scintillating Paula Deen story to share.
Friday, March 9, 2012
Day 11: March 9, 2012
My son cannot keep a secret. I realize he is four, but sometimes I neglect to think about the things he is not developmentally ready to do yet. This means that last night he told his Dada (I'm not sure why he still calls his Daddy Dada, but he does. It's just another one of his quirks.), "We're getting you 'igh sabers for yours birthday." Tony looked at me, and I just smiled. There was no use denying it because he also doesn't lie.
I am impressed he actually kept it a secret as long as he did because we had found them several weeks ago when we went into Toys R Us to pick out the T-Rex he wanted to buy with his potty training money. When he saw them, I immediately thought they would be a great toy for the two of them to play with. Tony, like all boys who grew up in the 70s and 80s, loves Star Wars, and he has already begun to talk up the movies with Bryce. We talked about getting them for Tony for his birthday, but I did not buy them because I knew they would never stay hidden. Today, when I picked him up from school, we headed over to Toys R Us. The plan was to grab lunch, get the light sabers, and head to Timothy Elementary for speech. We almost didn't make it to speech.
When we got to Toys R Us, he told me he wanted to use Two's money to pay for the light sabers. My daddy had given him one of those electronic cups that hold change the last time we were in Covington. It was full of change, and he told Bryce to buy something for himself and Samantha. My plan had been to count it out and trade it in for cash before we spent it. In all of the confusion of going back to work, I haven't made it to that particular task. When Bryce said, "I will use Two's money," I cringed, but I also knew it would save me some money as well. I reached down to get the cup from under his seat and realized every last bit of the change was in the back floorboard. I'm not sure when it spilled, but it was everywhere. Initially, I wanted to leave it until later because I was terrified we would be late for speech, but he was looking at me so earnestly that I knew I was going to pick up the change. I know I'm a sucker for the kid, but he was so excited about sharing with his daddy that I couldn't refuse. I scraped out all of the change and began putting it into the top of the cup thinking that if it counted I would know how much I had in order to expedite the process of paying with a bunch of change. The process was going slowly but steadily. Bryce was picking up the occasional penny that would drop onto the asphalt. Luckily, the Athens Toys R Us is not a high traffic area at 1:2o p.m. on a March Friday afternoon. We were plugging along, and I had gotten about seven dollars into the cup when Bryce discovered the little black button on the top of the cup. His fingers reached out and pressed the button, and I suddenly saw my numbers switch to zero. I groaned as he looked at me and said, "I pressed that button." I didn't say a word as I unscrewed the lid and scraped the rest of the changed into the cup.
As we picked out the light sabers and a zebra for Samantha, I secretly prayed he would change his mind about wanting to use the change because I knew I was going to have to go through the embarrassment of counting out a bunch of change. Unfortunately, he was still set on paying using the change, so I counted out $26.50 in quarters, nickels, and dimes plus $0.50 in pennies. The rest of the total I put on my card. At this point, I knew we were going to be late for speech, but then the incredibly patient cashier says, "Ma'am, I need to see your ID." The only problem was that I didn't have my ID with me in the store. I had my credit card in my pocket from buying lunch, and my ID was with my wallet in the car. I didn't even argue, but I did think to myself, "I am in Toys R Us with two kids buying two light sabers with $27 in change, and now you want to see my ID." I simply left the change and took the kids back to the car to retrieve my license. We got out of Toys R Us with five minutes to spare, and it was worth every minute when Tony got his light sabers tonight.
So far, I think everyone in the family has played with them, and I envision lots of fun from them in the future. I just hope Tony and Bryce don't destroy my house.
I am impressed he actually kept it a secret as long as he did because we had found them several weeks ago when we went into Toys R Us to pick out the T-Rex he wanted to buy with his potty training money. When he saw them, I immediately thought they would be a great toy for the two of them to play with. Tony, like all boys who grew up in the 70s and 80s, loves Star Wars, and he has already begun to talk up the movies with Bryce. We talked about getting them for Tony for his birthday, but I did not buy them because I knew they would never stay hidden. Today, when I picked him up from school, we headed over to Toys R Us. The plan was to grab lunch, get the light sabers, and head to Timothy Elementary for speech. We almost didn't make it to speech.
When we got to Toys R Us, he told me he wanted to use Two's money to pay for the light sabers. My daddy had given him one of those electronic cups that hold change the last time we were in Covington. It was full of change, and he told Bryce to buy something for himself and Samantha. My plan had been to count it out and trade it in for cash before we spent it. In all of the confusion of going back to work, I haven't made it to that particular task. When Bryce said, "I will use Two's money," I cringed, but I also knew it would save me some money as well. I reached down to get the cup from under his seat and realized every last bit of the change was in the back floorboard. I'm not sure when it spilled, but it was everywhere. Initially, I wanted to leave it until later because I was terrified we would be late for speech, but he was looking at me so earnestly that I knew I was going to pick up the change. I know I'm a sucker for the kid, but he was so excited about sharing with his daddy that I couldn't refuse. I scraped out all of the change and began putting it into the top of the cup thinking that if it counted I would know how much I had in order to expedite the process of paying with a bunch of change. The process was going slowly but steadily. Bryce was picking up the occasional penny that would drop onto the asphalt. Luckily, the Athens Toys R Us is not a high traffic area at 1:2o p.m. on a March Friday afternoon. We were plugging along, and I had gotten about seven dollars into the cup when Bryce discovered the little black button on the top of the cup. His fingers reached out and pressed the button, and I suddenly saw my numbers switch to zero. I groaned as he looked at me and said, "I pressed that button." I didn't say a word as I unscrewed the lid and scraped the rest of the changed into the cup.
As we picked out the light sabers and a zebra for Samantha, I secretly prayed he would change his mind about wanting to use the change because I knew I was going to have to go through the embarrassment of counting out a bunch of change. Unfortunately, he was still set on paying using the change, so I counted out $26.50 in quarters, nickels, and dimes plus $0.50 in pennies. The rest of the total I put on my card. At this point, I knew we were going to be late for speech, but then the incredibly patient cashier says, "Ma'am, I need to see your ID." The only problem was that I didn't have my ID with me in the store. I had my credit card in my pocket from buying lunch, and my ID was with my wallet in the car. I didn't even argue, but I did think to myself, "I am in Toys R Us with two kids buying two light sabers with $27 in change, and now you want to see my ID." I simply left the change and took the kids back to the car to retrieve my license. We got out of Toys R Us with five minutes to spare, and it was worth every minute when Tony got his light sabers tonight.
So far, I think everyone in the family has played with them, and I envision lots of fun from them in the future. I just hope Tony and Bryce don't destroy my house.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Day 8: March 6, 2012
Today was incredibly frustrated for a myriad of reasons that I am not in the mood to discuss. I am instead going to share a moment from day which made me smile.
Visualize a classroom crowded with 30 students, 1 teacher, and all the "stuff" those people need in order to function in a classroom. At the front of the classroom, a teacher is giving instructions on going to recess when suddenly a girl in a purple shirt turns around and begins talking to a boy behind her. The boy jumps up and raises his voice to the girl. At this point, the teacher steps in.
Teacher: Please sit down both of you.
Boy: She's bothering me.
Girl: Nuh uh, I'm not doing anything.
Teacher: We'll talk about it when we get outside.
The class lines up and heads to recess. At the door, the two students stop and wait for the teacher.
Teacher: (to boy) What was going on in there?
Boy: Well, see, I was singing a song. She jumped in my business. Well, not my business 'cause I don't have any business.
At this point the teacher has to turn her head so he won't see her laughing.
Boy: Anyway, she started talking to me. I told her to be quiet.
Girl: He was singing a funny song.
At this point, I reminded them they needed to listen to me when I was giving directions. I almost told them to mind their own business from now on, but I stopped myself.
That was my high point today!
Visualize a classroom crowded with 30 students, 1 teacher, and all the "stuff" those people need in order to function in a classroom. At the front of the classroom, a teacher is giving instructions on going to recess when suddenly a girl in a purple shirt turns around and begins talking to a boy behind her. The boy jumps up and raises his voice to the girl. At this point, the teacher steps in.
Teacher: Please sit down both of you.
Boy: She's bothering me.
Girl: Nuh uh, I'm not doing anything.
Teacher: We'll talk about it when we get outside.
The class lines up and heads to recess. At the door, the two students stop and wait for the teacher.
Teacher: (to boy) What was going on in there?
Boy: Well, see, I was singing a song. She jumped in my business. Well, not my business 'cause I don't have any business.
At this point the teacher has to turn her head so he won't see her laughing.
Boy: Anyway, she started talking to me. I told her to be quiet.
Girl: He was singing a funny song.
At this point, I reminded them they needed to listen to me when I was giving directions. I almost told them to mind their own business from now on, but I stopped myself.
That was my high point today!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Day 7: March 5, 2012
When I began this blog, I truly intended to post each and every day. Well, yesterday was day 6, and I failed to blog. When I finally got Samantha down to sleep at midnight, I thought to myself I should get out the computer and post something. To be honest, I just couldn't do it. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Samantha had cried and nursed off and on through most of the day, and I was a nervous wreck about leaving her to go to work. I decided against writing because I knew if I thought too hard about leaving her behind that I would just dissolve into a blubbering puddle. I decided to get some sleep and not beat myself up. In hindsight, I am glad I did because though there were some tears this morning I managed to survive the day. I am afraid that posting last night would have given voice to all the little fears that have danced around the edges of my head over the past few weeks. Instead, I kissed her goodbye, headed out the door, turned around to get some pump parts I left at home, kissed her goodbye again, and had a wonderful day. Right now I am too tired to remember the day or to write a long diatribe, but she survived. I survived. We can do this. I just hope she will take more than one bottle tomorrow. I worked hard to get that milk together.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Day 5: March 3, 2012
I am approaching the last day of my maternity leave, and I admit I have mixed feelings. Part of me has that first day of school feeling, and I am ready to see my students. I have some new ideas and some new plans for them. Part of me wants to stay home with my sweet babies, and part of me worries Samantha will think I have abandoned her. In short, I have the same feelings that every working mother has when she leaves her children. For days now, my mantra has been, "I can do this." I know I can, and I will. This is the last of my pity party on this topic. I had planned to accomplish so much during my leave and to go back to work with an organized life. Instead, I spent too much time watching Samantha and playing with Bryce. I don't regret a minute of the past three months. I got to know this beautiful little girl that God sent to bless us. I got to spend time with my silly, sweet son. That is all I needed from this time. Right now, Tony is upstairs trying to convince Bryce to go to sleep, and Samantha is stretched out in her bassinet laughing and talking to her mobile. If you had asked me a year ago if I planned on having any more children, I would have said, "No." The thing is that I didn't know how much I was missing. I thank God every day that he blessed us with this surprise and made our family complete. Life is truly good in the Paramore house!
Friday, March 2, 2012
Day 4: March 2, 2012
Some of the greatest memories of my life are those I made sitting in my great aunt Dora's kitchen. Every little girl should have someone like Dora, and I learned many things at her table. I learned that the best biscuits are small and not too thick and taste the best with extra sharp cheddar cheese melted inside until it bubbles. I learned that picking up an Eggo waffle with bare hands will burn and cause one to jump around the kitchen howling like a banshee. I learned the fine art of gossip and the importance of laughter. She is probably the reason I tend to lean a little to the left in my politics, and she is also the reason I grew up loving Princess Diana. She was an amazing woman, and I miss her every single day. However, I wish she had not passed on her fear of thunderstorms on to me because right now I am a nervous wreck.
I spent a great deal of time in Dora's house, and I would watch her anxiety level slowly rise as the clouds would roll in and the skies would darken. She typically watched the news on channel 11 and as the red radar rolled closer and closer to Covington she began to plan. The winds would pick up, and she would get jittery. There were times she would eventually get the pillows, and we would sit in the hall and wait for the danger to pass.
I remember riding the school bus to her house and watching the skies darkening and praying to make it home before the storm. If it was set to get very bad, she would be waiting in her big cream car for me to get home. I would jump in, and we would take off across I20 to her sister Ruth's house. I was always grateful that her planning would have included fixing me an afterschool hot dog covered in spicy brown mustard, ketchup, and some crunchy, tangy onions. She alwasy managed to wrap it in foil in such a way that all the toppings stayed on and didn't smear off onto the foil. I would devour the hot dog on the short ride as she told me what to expect from the storm. It was alwasy going to be catastrophic, and I alwasy started to get jittery and terrified. Luckily, we were always safe, and our precautions were not necessary.
While I am grateful we were always safe, all of this storm fear has made me an astraphobic. Well, I'm not that bad, but I just wondered if there was a name for that particular phobia. This is the name given to those who are afraid of thunder and lightning. But I digress, the point is that all of her fear transferred and made me terrified of thunderstorms. I suppose if I am really being fair I will admit that some of the nervousness is simply my personality. I have always been easily frightened and prone to anxiety. I used to wander around my house after mama and daddy had gone to bed to make sure all the doors were locked. This is not normal behavior for a six year old, and I was not surprised when I began having panic attacks in my twenties. It was bound to happen. My anxiety antenna begins to hum and chatter when the sky begins to darken and the rader gets red. In this case, I do what I was trained to do, and I begin to prepare.
Most of the planning takes place in my head. When watching the weather, I will think about my plans days out. If Tony happens to be out of town, I plan on staying with my in laws. If Tony is in town, I insist that everyone sleeps downstairs. He just nods and agrees. He is amazingly calm in all situations, and he tends to dismiss my storm hysterics. I, however, continue to plan. Where will we go to protect myself? Is there access to channel 11 or AM 750? If it is nighttime, can I stay awake until the danger has passed? These are just a few of the thoughts that race around in my head, and this has been the case tonight.
Tony and Bryce are currently snoozing in our bed, and Samantha is crashed out in her glider. I have been making plans. As the red moved across the state, I felt the anxiety pressing down. I straightened up the house as the red began to move across the state and as it approached Barrow County I knew the time was here. I went back to the bedroom and told Tony I was going to get out blankets and pillows and a radio for the tiny half bath that is our safe place. I placed a lantern the bathroom and checked the batteries in the radio. Once my preparations were complete my anxiety began to ease a bit. It felt good to know I was doing something productive, and I began to feel more comfortable. 11 Alive has decided to go back to regular programming now, so I think that means it will be okay for a little bit. I still won't sleep for a long time because someone needs to be on guard duty. While I sit and watch the weather, I can't help but think of Dora. I am thankful for all she taught me, but I sure was she hadn't taught me some lessons quite so well. My job tonight is to protect my babies, and I will sit right her and do it just like she did for me all those years ago.
I spent a great deal of time in Dora's house, and I would watch her anxiety level slowly rise as the clouds would roll in and the skies would darken. She typically watched the news on channel 11 and as the red radar rolled closer and closer to Covington she began to plan. The winds would pick up, and she would get jittery. There were times she would eventually get the pillows, and we would sit in the hall and wait for the danger to pass.
I remember riding the school bus to her house and watching the skies darkening and praying to make it home before the storm. If it was set to get very bad, she would be waiting in her big cream car for me to get home. I would jump in, and we would take off across I20 to her sister Ruth's house. I was always grateful that her planning would have included fixing me an afterschool hot dog covered in spicy brown mustard, ketchup, and some crunchy, tangy onions. She alwasy managed to wrap it in foil in such a way that all the toppings stayed on and didn't smear off onto the foil. I would devour the hot dog on the short ride as she told me what to expect from the storm. It was alwasy going to be catastrophic, and I alwasy started to get jittery and terrified. Luckily, we were always safe, and our precautions were not necessary.
While I am grateful we were always safe, all of this storm fear has made me an astraphobic. Well, I'm not that bad, but I just wondered if there was a name for that particular phobia. This is the name given to those who are afraid of thunder and lightning. But I digress, the point is that all of her fear transferred and made me terrified of thunderstorms. I suppose if I am really being fair I will admit that some of the nervousness is simply my personality. I have always been easily frightened and prone to anxiety. I used to wander around my house after mama and daddy had gone to bed to make sure all the doors were locked. This is not normal behavior for a six year old, and I was not surprised when I began having panic attacks in my twenties. It was bound to happen. My anxiety antenna begins to hum and chatter when the sky begins to darken and the rader gets red. In this case, I do what I was trained to do, and I begin to prepare.
Most of the planning takes place in my head. When watching the weather, I will think about my plans days out. If Tony happens to be out of town, I plan on staying with my in laws. If Tony is in town, I insist that everyone sleeps downstairs. He just nods and agrees. He is amazingly calm in all situations, and he tends to dismiss my storm hysterics. I, however, continue to plan. Where will we go to protect myself? Is there access to channel 11 or AM 750? If it is nighttime, can I stay awake until the danger has passed? These are just a few of the thoughts that race around in my head, and this has been the case tonight.
Tony and Bryce are currently snoozing in our bed, and Samantha is crashed out in her glider. I have been making plans. As the red moved across the state, I felt the anxiety pressing down. I straightened up the house as the red began to move across the state and as it approached Barrow County I knew the time was here. I went back to the bedroom and told Tony I was going to get out blankets and pillows and a radio for the tiny half bath that is our safe place. I placed a lantern the bathroom and checked the batteries in the radio. Once my preparations were complete my anxiety began to ease a bit. It felt good to know I was doing something productive, and I began to feel more comfortable. 11 Alive has decided to go back to regular programming now, so I think that means it will be okay for a little bit. I still won't sleep for a long time because someone needs to be on guard duty. While I sit and watch the weather, I can't help but think of Dora. I am thankful for all she taught me, but I sure was she hadn't taught me some lessons quite so well. My job tonight is to protect my babies, and I will sit right her and do it just like she did for me all those years ago.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Day 3: March 1, 2012
Sometimes we have truly wonderful experiences, and we hope to be able to pull them from the well of our memories to make us laugh or smile or even cry. Today was one of those days. I convinced my mama and her friend, Jean, to go with me to take the kids to the Georgia Aquarium. It was an amazing experience for Bryce for two reasons. First of all, he is currently very into "underwater creatures" and talks about being a diver when he grows up. Secondly, it was his reward for finally being potty trained. These were some of my favorite moments from today.
Bryce yelling, "Hello Otters! Over here!" while waving wildly.
My normally fearless little boy would not touch any of the animals in the touch tanks. He enjoyed looking closely, but there was no touching. He was incredibly matter of fact, and he just wasn't going to do it.
He was so incredibly shy the first time he saw the dolphins in their tank. He wanted to step closer to the tank, but he looked like he was afraid he would fall through the glass. He looked very seriously at the nice young woman who was offering to tell us facts about dolphins and says, "Dolphins are very good swimmers. They use their fins and tails and flippers."
As we were walking, I suddenly tripped over a small body. Bryce was laying on the ground. I said, "You can't lay on the ground here." Matter of factly he says, "I'm a penguin. Penguins slide on their bellies."
When the 4D movie began, they sprayed water into the audience. No one was more shocked than Samantha who got it right on the head. She looked at me with a look of complete confusion and promptly burst into tears. Bryce said, "I'm soaking wet all over."
Bryce has an obsession with "maps." To him, a map is any piece of paper that has to be folded more than once. I have all of the inserts that have come with his Thomas the Train toys because he refuses to let me throw them away. They now have their own basket, and he studies them for hours. He loved that he got to carry a map of the aquarium. As we were looking at the Beluga whales, he says, "Let's go to the penguins. They are here on the map. I looked at the picture."
In the middle of the dolphin show, Bryce pressed his arm and changed into Six Arms to help save the ship from the Sea Monsters.
I can predict that my house will be an aquarium tomorrow. We had taken a crab, a shark, an octopus, a whale, and a fish with us. Grandma Jean also bought him a new set of animals with a diver. Tonight he has gathered several clear bowls and made his own aquarium. I have a feeling there will be water involved soon.
My favorite moment of the day was when my sweet baby clapped his hands repeatedly saying, "Yay!" I love that kid!
As I get ready to go to sleep tonight, I am so incredibly happy. I love spending the day with some of my favorite people, and I loved seeing my son excited and curious about the animals he loves so much.
Bryce yelling, "Hello Otters! Over here!" while waving wildly.
My normally fearless little boy would not touch any of the animals in the touch tanks. He enjoyed looking closely, but there was no touching. He was incredibly matter of fact, and he just wasn't going to do it.
He was so incredibly shy the first time he saw the dolphins in their tank. He wanted to step closer to the tank, but he looked like he was afraid he would fall through the glass. He looked very seriously at the nice young woman who was offering to tell us facts about dolphins and says, "Dolphins are very good swimmers. They use their fins and tails and flippers."
As we were walking, I suddenly tripped over a small body. Bryce was laying on the ground. I said, "You can't lay on the ground here." Matter of factly he says, "I'm a penguin. Penguins slide on their bellies."
When the 4D movie began, they sprayed water into the audience. No one was more shocked than Samantha who got it right on the head. She looked at me with a look of complete confusion and promptly burst into tears. Bryce said, "I'm soaking wet all over."
Bryce has an obsession with "maps." To him, a map is any piece of paper that has to be folded more than once. I have all of the inserts that have come with his Thomas the Train toys because he refuses to let me throw them away. They now have their own basket, and he studies them for hours. He loved that he got to carry a map of the aquarium. As we were looking at the Beluga whales, he says, "Let's go to the penguins. They are here on the map. I looked at the picture."
In the middle of the dolphin show, Bryce pressed his arm and changed into Six Arms to help save the ship from the Sea Monsters.
I can predict that my house will be an aquarium tomorrow. We had taken a crab, a shark, an octopus, a whale, and a fish with us. Grandma Jean also bought him a new set of animals with a diver. Tonight he has gathered several clear bowls and made his own aquarium. I have a feeling there will be water involved soon.
My favorite moment of the day was when my sweet baby clapped his hands repeatedly saying, "Yay!" I love that kid!
As I get ready to go to sleep tonight, I am so incredibly happy. I love spending the day with some of my favorite people, and I loved seeing my son excited and curious about the animals he loves so much.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Day 2: February 29, 2012
Tonight I actually went shopping on my own. Mama and Daddy kept the kids, and I was excited to spend some time trying on clothes without kids underfoot. My plan was to get a few things to wear when I go back to work, and I found myself becoming depressed as I tried on clothes. I used to love shopping, but now I find it frustrating because I have put on a few pounds. I had gained weight before having children, and I have had a hard time losing it. I accept that I cannot wear the things I used to, and I also still have a little bit of a belly. I am also well aware that I need to watch my eating and work out more. I know all of these things. Unfortunately, while I was shopping and feeling depressed already, not one but two Belk employees asked me when my baby was due. I politely replied, "She is already three months old." Both appeared embarrassed and tried to change the subject. I simply continued shopping, but it took some of the excitement out of having some quiet time all alone. I was just the fat blob that still looked pregnant. Here is what I wish I had said instead:
Thank you for asking, but I had my baby three months ago. In the future, I would advise you not to ask people when they are due unless you in fact know they are pregnant. It is just rude. I am not pregnant. I have a three month old baby and a four year old son at home. I barely get any sleep, and I just don't have the energy to put together diet meals. I eat what I can find in the house. I nurse my daughter every three hours, and while people swear that nursing just melts off the baby weight, that has not been the case with me. I am constantly hungry. I have been trying to work out, but my back hurts since I have had the baby. I'm doing the best I can, and you asking me when my baby is due does not help. I am trying to find some clothes that make me feel good about myself while I continue to struggle to lose the weight I know I need to lose. I haven't left the house without a kid in days, and I was having a perfectly lovely time until you reminded me just how much weight I still have to lose. Did they not tell you in your training that telling people they look pregnant might make them not want to buy clothes. It is just rude. Grrrrr.....
And, yes, I would have growled at the end for effect. I know they didn't mean anything by it, and I am sure they were embarrassed. But is it seriously too much to ask that people think before speaking. I know I am sometimes guilty of this as well, and I hope I will remember this in the future. I do have every hope that eventually I will get on a schedule and eat a little healthier and exercise more. I need to do this for my family, but until I reach that goal please don't ask me if I am pregnant. I might growl.
Thank you for asking, but I had my baby three months ago. In the future, I would advise you not to ask people when they are due unless you in fact know they are pregnant. It is just rude. I am not pregnant. I have a three month old baby and a four year old son at home. I barely get any sleep, and I just don't have the energy to put together diet meals. I eat what I can find in the house. I nurse my daughter every three hours, and while people swear that nursing just melts off the baby weight, that has not been the case with me. I am constantly hungry. I have been trying to work out, but my back hurts since I have had the baby. I'm doing the best I can, and you asking me when my baby is due does not help. I am trying to find some clothes that make me feel good about myself while I continue to struggle to lose the weight I know I need to lose. I haven't left the house without a kid in days, and I was having a perfectly lovely time until you reminded me just how much weight I still have to lose. Did they not tell you in your training that telling people they look pregnant might make them not want to buy clothes. It is just rude. Grrrrr.....
And, yes, I would have growled at the end for effect. I know they didn't mean anything by it, and I am sure they were embarrassed. But is it seriously too much to ask that people think before speaking. I know I am sometimes guilty of this as well, and I hope I will remember this in the future. I do have every hope that eventually I will get on a schedule and eat a little healthier and exercise more. I need to do this for my family, but until I reach that goal please don't ask me if I am pregnant. I might growl.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
February 28, 2012: Something New
I often tell my students, “When I grow up, I’m going to be a writer.” Unfortunately, I just don’t seem to have time to do the writing one must do in order to be a writer. In my head, there are ideas for three different novels and about a dozen short stories, and there they sit. I simply don’t see sitting down to craft a well-written novel amidst the chaos that is raising children and working full time. My family and my students are my life right now, and I just don’t see how I can manage to fit in a novel. I am sure that someone might be reading this and thinking, “You can do it! Women do it all the time.” I thank you in advance for the encouragement, and I know there are many female authors who manage to develop an engaging plot into a novel and have it published all while raising three children, tending a garden, and keeping the house clean.
Unfortunately, I am not that person. I have decided to table the idea of becoming a novelist for a few years (or eighteen) and take a stab at blogging in order to keep my writing skills sharp.
I have toyed with the idea of starting a blog for most of my maternity leave, and I even made it a New Year’s Resolution. I kept saying today is the day, but I didn’t have a “hook.” Why was I going to blog? Did I need a theme for this blog? Does anyone even care? I decided that if the purpose of the blog was for me to write that I simply must write. I must write every single day. I must write when I am grumpy or happy or sneezy or dopey or sleepy or bashful (and, yes, I know I forgot Doc). As I started to explain this idea to my husband, who is used to my wacky ideas, I told him, “You know how in the book, Julie and Julia, she spends a year cooking her way through Julia Child’s cookbook. Well, I am going to write every day for a year.” He had not read the book ,and he looked at me for a minute and said, “You mean you are going to tell the whole world when we go out of town.” I love that he always thinks about the “details.” I promised that I would not give away my location until after we returned home. We had this conversation two weeks ago, and I am sure he thinks he is never going to see this blog. Surprise, baby, I started!
I have no idea what I am going to write. This will probably be a mix of anecdotes about my life as a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a teacher. I might talk about how I hate laundry and learned not to wash my red robe with anything else since I am currently covered in red lint from toweling off after my shower. I might share a recipe or complain about grading papers. Who knows? I might even throw in some fiction or poetry. This is simply an exercise in one thing for me: writing.
It is possible this experiment will go awry, but for now I am going to give it a try. This is me. This is a year in my life.
Unfortunately, I am not that person. I have decided to table the idea of becoming a novelist for a few years (or eighteen) and take a stab at blogging in order to keep my writing skills sharp.
I have toyed with the idea of starting a blog for most of my maternity leave, and I even made it a New Year’s Resolution. I kept saying today is the day, but I didn’t have a “hook.” Why was I going to blog? Did I need a theme for this blog? Does anyone even care? I decided that if the purpose of the blog was for me to write that I simply must write. I must write every single day. I must write when I am grumpy or happy or sneezy or dopey or sleepy or bashful (and, yes, I know I forgot Doc). As I started to explain this idea to my husband, who is used to my wacky ideas, I told him, “You know how in the book, Julie and Julia, she spends a year cooking her way through Julia Child’s cookbook. Well, I am going to write every day for a year.” He had not read the book ,and he looked at me for a minute and said, “You mean you are going to tell the whole world when we go out of town.” I love that he always thinks about the “details.” I promised that I would not give away my location until after we returned home. We had this conversation two weeks ago, and I am sure he thinks he is never going to see this blog. Surprise, baby, I started!
I have no idea what I am going to write. This will probably be a mix of anecdotes about my life as a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a teacher. I might talk about how I hate laundry and learned not to wash my red robe with anything else since I am currently covered in red lint from toweling off after my shower. I might share a recipe or complain about grading papers. Who knows? I might even throw in some fiction or poetry. This is simply an exercise in one thing for me: writing.
It is possible this experiment will go awry, but for now I am going to give it a try. This is me. This is a year in my life.
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